My dad,grandma and I
Circa 1979/80
Bogota, Colombia
My mom and dad separated and divorced when I was around 2 or 3 years old.
I dont recall the actual separation.
My earliest memories begin in Miami, where my mom and I lived with my grandparents and the occasional aunt or uncles passing through, until my mom remarried when I was 6.
My childhood was full of love, coming from every direction.
I was the little princess of the house and was doted on by my Bolita (grandma), my Esposito (grandpa) and my aunts and uncles who became like second moms and dads to me.
My dad and I had limited contact from the get go, and it got even less over the years. By the time I was 11 or 12, years had passed since we had last spoke.
I didnt have a dad growing up, but i didn't care at the time.
I didnt really think about it.
How can you miss something you never had to begin with?
I dont say this to sound bitter or mean.
It is simply the way I felt at the time.
It was my way of dealing.
If I dont think about it then I dont have to feel anything about it.
Boom.
Fixed. (Not. lol)
My teenage years were chaotic to say the least.
I heard things via family in Colombia.
My dad had remarried.
Then, I have two brothers.
At 14 my mom tried to fly me down to Colombia but something happened with my passport and there was a lot of turmoil in Colombia at that time. They were afraid if I went, that I would not be allowed to return.
So I didnt go.
Years go by.
and by...
The massive walls that i had built around my heart had been slowly crumbling as I got older. Jason played a big part in that. He bulldozed through the bullshit and helped me wade through the rubble to a better place.
I was finding and beginning to understand myself a little better every passing year.
We were finding our paths.
It took us some time, and we worked hard to get ahead.
We managed to make a nice life for ourselves!
Life was (is) good.
Happy.
But I always wondered...and the thought of my dad, and a whole other family somewhere out there...was always in the back of my mind.
Jason had lost his estranged biological father a few years prior and I knew there were many regretful feelings when that all went down. Things left unsaid.
Years lost forever.
I didnt want to have any regrets like that.
When I was 29 we got pregnant with Liam.
I had been laid off from work at 4 months pregnant and we decided that it would be best if i stayed home during the pregnancy etc...
Maybe it was because I had a lot of time to think about my life.
Maybe it was the hormones. (probably a lot of that)
Maybe it was just time. (yeah that too)
So many years had passed between us.
I had to try.
So.
I began searching for my dad online.
I searched on facebook and found an account, belonging to a person with my fathers name.....but the only picture was this:
I visited the page over and over, in hopes of seeing any activity, maybe a new pic... anything to give me the answers i was looking for.
Was it him?
After months of cyberstalking (lol) I finally got the courage to send a message.
___________________
- Conversation started February 17, 2009
__________________
Our communication began slowly....mainly because of me.
I was caught up in baby land!
And we also had a bit of "lost in translation".
I can understand mostly everything Spanish but when it comes to me communicating back....my brain thinks in English. Not being able to communicate the way i wanted to left me feeling frustrated with myself so i sort of backed away a little.... (one of my not so great personality traits but hey)
Thankfully the men in my life (jason and now my dad) know better than to just give up on me, even though i can be a tad bit difficult a times (lol) so after some much needed and appreciated prodding and a bit more time playing the email and phone call game to stay in touch....
I can say that I finally have begun to know my name.
Introducing The Medina's!
My family
Clockwise- My dad, brother Daniel, brother Sebastian, Grandmother Magolita (sp?), and Stepmom Aura Maria
And last month, in another blur of blessings.....my dad, stepmom and one of my younger brothers....made the trip to meet us....and of course have some good ol american fun!
(aka Orlando park trips and florida beach adventures...:) )
Sebastian stayed behind attending summer college courses but hopefully i can meet him soon as well!
Sammy and his Abuelo
Checking out downtown Newnan
Daisy LOVES horses, so the painted horses downtown are magical for her.
Sam and Liam think they are pretty cool too.
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(this blouse is now in the To Be Donated bag. yuck!lol makes me look like i am still pregnant...anyways...back to the important stuff ;))
Hanging with Abuelo and Tio Dani
I guess i really didnt know what to expect.... I was a little nervous but really i think I was just ready. I think that so much has happened in my life over the past few years that I am not so easily rattled and i just go with the flow.
I was not surprised that i immediately felt at ease with them.
There was an instant knowing, a natural connection.
My dad is warm, funny and easy going.
I see a lot of myself in him, in them.
We spent the next few days, talking...cooking...looking at pictures...and just spending time together. I dint want them to leave! :)
__________________
- July 13
- July 14
________________
I love you too :)
Precious life moments 30 years in the making....
...And looking forward to many more!
Love and light,
A
Freedom is within you,
Giving makes us feel good,
Hello to my people,
Say hello to the future
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